Standing Still - Volbeat

Counting all the assholes in the room, well I’m definitely not alone.

;)

I’m sorry Jennifer. It wasn’t all for you.. and it fucking should have been because you deserve it all to be for you…

I’m sorry Jennifer. It wasn’t all for you.. and it fucking should have been because you deserve it all to be for you…

(Source: nina-dobrevs, via mysoultosqueeeze)

fuck… ive lost it all…

Jennifer Lynn Frechette

First off, I want to say that this is not written in an attempt to get you back or to kiss ass. What I am about to write is 100% from the heart, whether you want to believe it or not is up to you. I’m sorry for everything I have ever done to you. All of the insults. All of the controlling. All of the yelling. All of the fighting. All of the things I’ve said to you out of hatred. I apologize for it all. I hate who I am. If you saw my Instagram, or the notes i write to myself on my phone, you would know this. I realized over a year ago when we first got back together that I cannot be helped. Therapy could not even fix my mind. I am a controlling person that does not deserve to be in a relationship with someone who has such a beautiful soul, like yourself. You are THE definition of an amazing girlfriend, and I recognize it. I recognized it all along. Every insult, every fight, every hateful word I ever said toward you, I regretted as soon as I said it. I knew what I was saying was terrible and that you didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I knew what I was doing was wrong. They say not to regret what you’ve done, but when someone as amazing as you is effected by me in a negative way, I absolutely have to regret it. I know you are doing what is right for you. You are an amazing person on so many levels that one could not begin to describe it. I wish you could go inside of my brain for just one day. I wish you could see the feelings that I experience. You would understand how legitimately twisted my mind is. How much I hate myself. How miserable I make myself. I know it wouldn’t make a difference in your decision. I just wish you could see what it is like to have everyone on the face of the earth despise you. I have no one. Absolutely no one. You were the last person I had, and I ruined it. I drove you away…for a second time. You deserve someone better than me. Someone who will be more lenient in the relationship and let you do whatever you please, whenever you please, without having psychotic thoughts. I wish I was that person… From day one I’d known you were the girl I’d fall for. I mean, who wouldn’t? You’re everything a guy wants! You’re beautiful; inside and out. You have the most amazing eyes I’ve ever stared into. The way they variate between blue, grey, and green is beyond amazing. But the goldish-yellow right around the center of your eye is what makes them complete. You have the most kissable lips on the planet. They are always so soft and are shapen so elegantly.
Your skin is flawless. From head to toe it is creamy and smooth. (Except for that long scar on your knee of course haha). Your feet are beyond adorable. I’m smiling just thinking about how petite they are and how lovely your cute little toes are. But your physical features mean nothing. Yes, I love them. But what is most beautiful, is inside of you… You have the personality of an angel. How else can I describe it? You were always trying to make me happy while I was doing the exact opposite to you… You would make me food when I was hungry. What about the time I got my jaw surgery recently? Jesus Christ, I’ve never had someone take such good care of me. You sat by my said for SIX HOURS while I was drugged up and sleeping on and off. (This is starting to kill me now lol). Even if you never speak to me again, and we move on with our lives and never see each other again, THAT is something I will NEVER forget. That day should have been the day I stopped being the way I am. You alone, made my worries go away. If I was stressing about school or another situation, it didn’t matter once you sat beside me. Even if we were fighting. I didn’t care. Just knowing that you were there for me was enough to make my life mean something. You gave me motivation when I wanted to give up on school. Whenever I used to get an F on my report card, you would badger me and tell me I could do better. You, Jennifer Lynn Frechette, are the ONLY person I have EVER talked to who believed in me…. You believed I could make something of myself. No one else ever gave me the motivation you did Jen. No one. I can’t believe I no longer have someone there to push me like you did… I may not have shown it Jennifer, but you meant the world to me, and you still do. You are the person I wanted to grow old with. You are the person I wanted to die with. I was actually thinking to myself the other day about how we agreed that we wouldn’t be together anymore when I went to college because it would be too tough. I was thinking to myself “I love this girl so much, and we won’t be able to be with each other when I go off to college. Why? There are plenty of other couples like Sarah Kenny and Angel Rosario who go to college and are still together just fine! Why can’t I have that? What if we are on good terms with each other when I go to college? Are we supposed to just break up? Why?”. And then it hit me. We are breaking up because of me. When I go off to college, I’m not going to know who you are with, or what you are doing. I’m not going to be able to see you every single day like I had been up until last Saturday. We would have been breaking up because I’m insane. Not knowing who you are with or what you are doing drives me insane. And that’s wrong. I shouldn’t have to worry about who you are with or what you are doing at all times. I should trust you and give you space. I WANT to do that so badly because I know our relationship would have improved ten fold and you have been much happier… There are so many things that I could have done to salvage this relationship… So many… I just wanted to have you all to myself… I’m not going to say it was out of love because I know you don’t believe me… I wish I could have cherished the last few days were were together.. I didn’t even get to kiss you goodbye because we were mad at each other… (God, I really regret that. I remember telling myself I should have kissed you.. We didn’t even talk on the car ride back to your house…). Bottom line is that I am sorry for everything I put you through and I wish I could take it all back. I honestly do, whether you want to believe me or not. I am honestly sorry for everything. I just wish I could have a third chance with you. Just another chance to show you how much I love you and how much I care about you. God, you are everything I want in a woman. Everything… And I ruined it… Jennifer, I know you don’t believe me and I know there is nothing I can do to get you back or make you forgive me for putting you through so much, but please believe me when I say I Love You. Please believe that… I just wish you could be mine again, and not someone else’s someday… Please, when you are free and it is convenient for you, or whenever you see this message, call me?… I really would love to hear your voice… I Love You…

Shoes

I’m less important than them!

Nothing like…

Holding your girlfriend while she naps

Fuck This!

It’s 3AM and I’m still awake…

"I wanna live good.
I wanna live right.
My insecurities are eating me alive.”

"I wanna live good.
I wanna live right.
My insecurities are eating me alive.”


Danbury wasn’t a prison, it was a crime school. I went in with a Bachelor of marijuana, came out with a Doctorate of cocaine.

Danbury wasn’t a prison, it was a crime school. I went in with a Bachelor of marijuana, came out with a Doctorate of cocaine.

(via pensieri-a-sonagli)

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